I am faced with the incredible fear at being supposedly blessed, while actually being blessed for themselves.
When people actually only need you to as a person to lean on.
This person only relies on herself, for asking. But never on my well being.
As I through life believe that she was taking care of me, she would actually promise lies.
This would be the effect of me receiving nothing.
I get nothing.
This person always is in need of help.
Always, everyday needs more, and more, and more.
Always is never enough. Never has been for decades.
I am never important or in need of dreams and desires.
I am never ok.
I am never with company.
She owns every company.
She desires youth.
She desires everything that is granted in life for me.
I’m never doing nothing worthy of being looked at.
My actions never satisfy.
For her I am never enough.
She asks, but she asks for herself.
She need more. She needs better. She asks for more. She take it more.
She is the one who keeps the need of trying to modify this human, that is untransformable.
She asks for my silence.
For my invisible body.
You don’t become inmune, you become helpless.
With eye bags.
Crying doesn’t help.
You don’t want to be her nurse.
Respect is unaskable.
She is not the one I have to satisfy.
I am always being punished.
You dream of that day.